West Bank: Beit Jala

People come in all shapes and sizes and surprisingly so do Palestinians. If you knew what a Palestinian was then you probably imagined a beardy Muslim brandishing a rocket goat in the olive grove. I am disappointed with your stereotype, mainly for the reason that about 4% of West Bank Palestinians are Christian, with a 75,000-strong diaspora currently residing in Chile (yea, I dunno either). The highest concentration of Christian Palestinians is in the three "Jesus" towns in the West Bank (those are Jesus's delivery ward Bethlehem and his local hangouts Beit Jala and Beit Sahour). I have partaken in Jesus veneration in Bethlehem about twenty times too many so this time we decided to admire him in Beit Jala, a town which I personally find really fresh and awesome. We were received by a super nice Beit Jalean (?) family who showed us around the hot spots: a Christian community center which induced bouts of jealousy in my childhood, Beit Jala's very own little mighty rugby club and--oh!--I almost forgot--a church.
  

Million dollar question: Can you find the recurring theme in this picture? (Hint: It looks like giant flying lipstick tops)

East coast Jesus and (literally) bloody Mary 

--Jesus you must be reaaaly happy to see me, bro

--Oh yea well at least I don't look like a Hasidic yeti (Matthew 4:20)

Man I love churches. Almost as much as this:

Our trip ended with the usual: amazing Palestinian food, home-brewed olives and body spasms induced by 200 cups of Arabic coffee and football-sized baklava at the mayor's house. On a sentimental tear-jerking note though I have to add that the hospitality of people in the West Bank makes me question what I previously believed about Ukrainian human nature.

I enjoyed eating this almost as much as I enjoyed my black eye and olive shower when I tried to open it

As an ending touch I will throw in some controversy. Ta da! 

PS have you SEEN the size of this pussycat??

UN day Olive Harvest in West Bank

So UN day is a vewy thpethial day during which the peoples of the world are reminded about UN's core values of peace and fluffiness. This year UN day in Israel was celebrated in the outskirts of the Palestinian Ramallah in the centre of the West Bank--in a small town called Turmus Ayya. When practising their love of living too close for comfort to Palestinians, Jewish settlers have graced the Turmus Ayya neighbourhood with a whole lot of their kind, in a 2300-strong settlement called Shilo (ya Brangelina's love child!). 


Anyway, as everyone knows settlers like to live in style, and by style I mean machine guns and crop devastation. So, this year the settlers didn't disappoint, having uprooted a cropload of olive trees and flooded others with poison and sewage  (click for a creepy picture of settlers in the bushes). Note: olive harvest is nearly the main source of food and income for West Bank Palestinians, and is generally a symbol of Palestine. In Turmus Ayya the super funny Shilo residents allegedly decided to flood the olive groves with chemicals and sewage... why do they do this, you ask? I don't have a definitive answer to that.. one theory postulated by leading scientists states that it could have something to do with the fact that they live off benefits and have absolutely nothing else to do. Also something about the Messiah, but let's not dwell too much on that.
So on UN day in Turmus Ayya around 300 UN staff and volunteers, matched by possibly as much media, showed up to help the villagers with the olive harvest. The avid gardener Salam Fayyad (prime minister of Palestine) came too, casually declaring that the state of Palestine will be viable by August of next year (woot?). Anyway who doesn't like picking olives? I know I do. 

Fellow harvest supporters--they were adorable (I mean the kids, duh :P) Some of Shilo settlement is visible in the background... they didn't even come down to help, jeez what grumpy neighbours :(

UN envoy Robert Serry showing Al Jazeera how it's done 

Tis me, olive fan numero uno 

Prime minister Salam Fayyad and UN envoy Robert Serry sitting in a tree?

My best friends for the day. That flag is now mine. Selling it for $500 (hey, it's valuable memorabilia)

O hai Yasser

So overall the harvest day in Turmus Ayya was a success, I was a little disappointed that Shilo residents didn't  come to help out--it's not like they don't have the time, right? I was particularly impressed with the Palestinian kids who were the most hard working and friendly. If you are ever in the region around October and dangerous olive picking is your kind of pastime, Turmusayya residents would love to hear from you! Ta da.
PS: I also found out that raw olives taste like toilet duck. Did you know that?