Richest Palestinian Munib Masri's crib. Eat your socks.

don't act like you've never seen
 a burning road before

I bet you didn't think Picasso and Modigliani when you thought Palestine. Well, yall better start shifting your paradigms, because up a long windy and literally fiery road in an obnoxiously hilly town called Nablus (that's Palestine, not Israel, Google maps) you may encounter something I can only accurately describe as an exact-except-probably-better replica of Antonio Palladio's 16th century Italian Villa Rotunda (go on Wikipedia it. Bets on when Jimmy's despondent gaze will stop making my intake of information unnecessarily uncomfortable?). 
The villa is modestly and suitably complimented with freshly imported textiles and woodwork from Ikea. Ha Ha. I kid. Cuz by Ikea I mean auction-scouted Renaissance art and furniture, complete with a 16th century statue of Hercules and a greenhouse built by Napoleon for one of his mistresses. Mmm. A greenhouse is exactly what comes to mind when I think gifts from Napoleon. 

Did I mention all the brickwork was imported from France? The foundations of "Beit Falastin" (Palestine house as the crib was titled) were laid by 500 local workers just in time for Israeli soldiers to occupy them during the second intifada, which I believe gives my story an extra spicy kick. 

So anyway, the Palestinian Rotunda belongs to none other than the "king of West Bank" Munib Masri--the richest Palestinian in the world and a once very close personal friend of Yasser (and now ME, obviously). 

Call Munib's house ostentatious or other fancy pedantic words that come to your mind but I can't help but think he is a very cool dude if only for the fact that, of all his choices, he decided to make the West Bank his swanky home. That's not the only reason why I think he's a cool dude, fiy. He is omnipresent in Palestinian politics but I know all you want to see are colours and imagery so luckily for you I have just that. Knock yourselves out. 

That's my Toyota helicopter rip-roaring up an insane steep hill arriving in style to greet Mr Masri on Mt Gerizim

Wait a minute. This can't be the right way.. We're in Venice!

The 70 acres on which the Masri house is built is designated area "A" (under Palestinian control) with its very own Israeli army checkpoint chilling directly outside the entrance

Oh looky I took a picture of a checkpoint and didn't die 

So yea here is the photographic equivalent of my story's climax. I hope you're wearing your seatbelt.

BEHOLD: THE HOOS

"Beit Falastin". Of course I read Arabic

The famous glasshouse Napoleon built for Josephine which Masri won in a bidding war. Josephine must have been ecstatic? I know I would

The vieeeew 

See? Told you we were still in Palestine

Does this house have an inside? You bet. If you stick around for longer I'll throw in a surprise. 

Hercules and some living quarters

The viewww

Allegedly this throne once belonged to Khedive Ismail, a 19th century Egyptian monarch and grandfather of King Farouk, currently accommodating Munib Masri. I have no idea who that is trying to cosy up to the throne. Could be my mother the maid. She likes shiny things.

So remember that surprise I promised? I'm tired so I'll make the end short and sweet for you. 

What is this crap?? She tricked us with pictures of history and cultural things. AAAh, my eyes. Oh I dunno maybe it's just his very own 4th century Byzantine church excavations in the basement? Beat THAT, Rotunda. 

I'm pretty sure that says CSI Vegas kicks Miami's ass hands DOWN. Of course I read ancient Greek.

4th century wha??

Ok bai kitteh.