An ode to the promised land + an anti-ode (?) to rest of world

I figured a post where I wax lyrical about my love for the Holy land is long overdue, and let's face it there is an elephant in my pants concerning whether I some sort of hate the alleged motherland. Obviously giving you a straightforward answer to that would be a bit cliché so I'm going to communicate my repartee through the use of visual props and loin warming imagery. Didn't Socrates once say, a picture speaks a thousand words? N'est-ce pas?

Exemplar numero uno.. a full fledged 180 degree Mediterranean sunset. Note that a 180 degree angle Mediterranean sunset observation can only be achieved on a (kind of) parallel longitude to said sunset.. ie if you ain't watching it in Israel (or Cyprus or Lebanon or uhh other parts), it ain't in a straight line baby. And who wants to watch sunset in a crooked line? That's so lame. 

                            Miami eat your heart out.. your sun will never set into the sea 

The next specimen need no introduction. When was the last time you had butterflies in your tummy? I think I just had some now. 

I was obliged to semi-decapitate Adonis's head (names have been changed to protect identity)  in fear of disappearing forever accumulating a dangerously large fan base for him

Let's play a game of associations shall we. Me first.
Stallions..... Israel!

Never ending awesome weather galore... Bermu.. No, Israel

Night life... yuppp, you guessed it.

Food... the first thing that comes to mind on that is actually Entrecote,, but for narrative purposes we'll say Greece and Israel.

The more acute amongst yourselves will realize that we don't have to play the game of associations for long for the fundamental truth to dawn upon us. Israel rocks the Casbah. What a blasphemous thing I just said. 

Do you live somewhere that looks like this in August (no offence Edinburgh)? And think it's perfectly alright to live like that? I used to be just like you. But one day I realized I can live like this in January! And you can too.. Thank me later

And this! 

Oh and did I mention this?

 You're welcome for the existential crisis. 

Haifa and Acre (Akko): Baha'i Shrine and Gardens

The more pacifist amongst yourselves will perhaps have heard of the Baha'i religion. It is the world's newest religion (not to be confused with the constantly appearing kidney-snatching bible belt sects) which started in Iran (where else would it start, right?) by this gentleman called Baha'u'llah in the late 1800's.  He was imprisoned for his beliefs and exiled to Akko in Palestine which was meant to be an extremely manky, harsh environment. Long story short, Baha'u'llah turned out to lead a biologically and mentally fruitful life in Akko having produced fourteen children and many more works on the Baha'i faith whilst under house arrest in this prototype of my future house:

Baha'u'llah's house arrest crib in Akko

 Among the things the Baha'i faith teaches are a universal god, acceptance of all religions, the unity of the human race, Peace with a capital P, and intensely well maintained gardens. Since Baha'u'llah declared mount Carmel (present day Haifa, Israel) the center of the Baha'i faith this is what has become of it: 

The hanging gardens of Haifa. How despicably well maintained.

The avid gardening didn't stop there. If gardening is your thing, you probably shouldn't look because your yard will never look this good. The secretary-general of the Bahai faith Mr. Albert Lincoln and his wife Barbara kindly showed us around the Baha'i community center in Akko (accessible only to Baha'i followers). Soo...Versailles, eat your heart out.

Place was riddled with prototypes of my future house

Mmm sunset

So apparently there are over 5 million Baha'i worshippers around the globe, and the number is growing steadily. Since Baha'i is basically a combination of all world religions and accepts people from all faiths, you should probably convert asap. You get to visit the gardens!

So as an end note I will leave you with this question: is there such a thing as a TOO well maintained garden? Discuss!

Visit to Hebron

I recently got to join my parents on a trip to Hebron, the largest city in the West Bank and home to a cropload of Jewish settlers. We met with Mr Khaled Osaily--the city's mayor, who was super kind to show us around the place and invite us over to his kick-ass house. Awesome living quarters aside, Hebron is a city full of spicy history and action, and not really the good kind. As the favourite hangout place of Abraham and his posse back in the day, the Cave of the Patriarchs, located in Hebron, is the second holiest site for Jews after the Temple Mount, but also happens to be highly venerated by Muslims and Christians, as they too like a bit of Abraham and that. Anyway, fifteen or so years back one Jewish settler doctor decided to pay the jam-packed Ibrahimi mosque (located over the cave) a visit during Ramadan prayer time, bringing with him a token of friendship in the form of a massive machine gun, hosing the mosque down with bullets and killing 29 people before being bludgeoned to death by the angered crowd. Since then the mosque has been partitioned, part of it becoming a synagogue, with bullet-proof glass separating the two sides from "stray" doctor bullets.

              Here is a terrible picture of the bullet-proof glass hanging out right next to the cenotaph of Abraham

We then had a stroll through Hebron's deserted markets. Legend has it that once upon a time the markets were filled with merchandise and visitors, until they began to pose a massive security risk to the settlers who decided to settle directly above them.. Having settled above the bustling Palestinian markets the settlers decided the ideal place for garbage and general toxic waste disposal would be.. tum dum dummm--the busy market streets! Here are a few pics of the kind of things people's heads and merchandise  served as a dumping ground for.

                     

Giant plastic barrels, bricks, wood boards and  tables are not the type of objects I normally dispose of at MY house, but then again I also prefer a different exit route for my trash. 

All in all it was a pretty fun day, I got to hang out with some soldiers wielding machine guns and have awesome lunch at mayor Oseily's house!

Mayor Oseily's home-made Hebronian food FTWWWW